I suspect the hope that Mrs II has that the latest twinge is a signal of labour starting has nothing to do with wanting to gently stroke her new borns forehead, to hold the wrapped infant as it nuzzles her breast or to look fondly into her husbands eyes and whisper “we did it” (ok – I added that one in and yes Catherine – I know we didn’t do anything). No, I think Mrs II is motivated by a far more primal, earthly urge.
She’s just plain F%$K*#G over it!
Over the “bigness”. Not being able to bend, move quickly, get into or out of a car, having to roll out of bed and be helped out of chairs. She’s over the restrictions on food. We’ve already agreed that while everyone else brings flowers to the maternity ward, I’ll be bringing a plate with seven types of cured meat, pate, Brie and a few prawns. And she’s over the heat. As I’ve been tucking myself up these last few nights (it’s been a bit colder than it should have in Sydney lately) Mrs II is there, fan above her on full, not even a sheet, sweating as her internal thermostat seems to be set higher each day – seriously it must be a sauna in that womb right now!
Stupidly we’re both over the broken sleep that comes form Mrs II having a bladder the size of a thimble. Stupid because at least the current broken sleep can be solved by an ungainly waddle to the bathroom rather than a feed/cuddle/settle of a newborn. Intellectually we both know what’s coming but until it’s in the room with us…
Many of you will know the feeling. Every twitch, twinge or cramp is comes with a look. Is it the sign? Is it go time? Should I start packing the bag? The difference second time around is that it’s not nerves, it’s not excitement, it’s not an emotional need to witness the wonder that is childbirth (written by a dad, not a mum that goes through the wonder). No it’s a hurry the F%^K UP!
Anyway – on to the exciting bit. Yip I’m having my first competition. That’s right – I want you, my loyal two readers to give me your best guess at Mr/Miss 0.99′s birth weight and height. The winner, rather than a soulless physical prize* will instead have bestowed upon them the title of “Best-Baby-Guesser” (I know – imaginative hey). Yip – you will be known across the blogosphere as a sure thing when it comes to predicted the dimensions of new borns.
It’s pretty simple. Let me know the height (in cm’s) and weight (in kg’s) and I’ll announce the best guesser once Mr/Miss 0.99 arrives. I’d also love to know the reasoning behind your guess. Tea leaves, tarot cards, the stars or just a random guess – I’d love to know how you came up with the number. To keep things fair I thought I would let you know everything I know before you make up your mind;
- Miss 2.5 (will need a new name soon) was 3.84 kg and 51 cm long when she was born
- Mrs II has had a standard pregnancy that will is going full term
- I was about the same in weight and length
- Mrs II has had a family history of whoppers
- She’s carrying in “the front” which probably means more to you than it does to me
- In 2004 the average birthweight for babies born in Australia was 3.37 kg
- My guess? 3.81kg and 50 cm long
So – send me your best guess/informed analysis. Hopefully this time next week my post will be something along the lines of “where’s the instructions for this crazy thing”
*The Illiterate Infant is currently run an a budget of about $1.50 however I’d be happy to give away a second coffee machine if a kindly brand person flicks me a couple to review
Sharing with jess as essentiallyjess.com who happens to be having a birthday on March 8 – write it down people!