I need to ask you something – the spark

STOP!  Before you read this post, check out part one that was published over at declutterbugversuscaptainstingypants.blogspot.com.au

We don’t talk the way we used to…

I have to ask you something

We talk, it’s just not at a bar after work, or at the new restaurant that just opened up or while we stroll along a beach together… alone. No with work and kids and houses to keep,
when we talk has changed. Our trendy bar is now a kitchen and my date is now a wife, who’s washing up… wrong. I mean who bothers washing the plastic plate when it can go in the top of the dishwasher and if you’re putting something in the dishwasher, why bother rinses it so it’s clean – it’s a dish w a s h e r!

We tend to niggle each other about the right way to accomplish such an important task. It’s all in fun. It’s weird but it’s how we flirt now we can’t get to out and make up stories about people at the restaurant table next to us. It’s how we download the day. Normally it’s me listening and her talking which I like. After a day of talking to grown ups I like to here someone else make conversation. I think she likes the arrangement too.

Tonights different. It’s always different when she’s quiet, doesn’t respond to my gibes about rinsed dishes, when she starts a sentence with “I want to ask you something”…

It’s funny, as she tells me how she feels about how she looks, and how we are, I consciously suck in my stomach and broaden my shoulders so I can see the change reflected in the window. I consider wiping the next dish with my bicep flexed but it’s all too hard.

“…How can you look at a mother, who was once a lover and get back that early spark?” you say…

I think for a while, staring at the woman who still fulfils me but has lately been fulfilling a growing busy family as well…

“I still see the woman in the who I’d meet in the bar next to where we used to work. I also see a woman more busy than ever before, more tired than ever before. I suppose I’m just happy to have the little bit of time we have and don’t even think about the spark…”

“Do we need the spark?… We need the spark!…”

I need to tell you something is a joint project between me and declutterbugversuscaptainstingypants

We’re exploring the relationship between a husband and wife, a few years in, with kids. We’re playing around with the conversations that are there in all of us, bubbling under the surface. Let us know what you think or flick us some ideas.

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21 Responses to I need to ask you something – the spark

  1. Karen Reid says:

    Looking forward to more conversations.
    Main conversation/fight in our house is sex. Not enough-him. Tired-me

  2. Caz says:

    I think it’s part of the development and exploration of a long term relationship. Embracing the reality of your current life but not letting go of those ‘other times’ that you and your partner both loved. We have a wall of photos depicting our favourite places we’ve travelled together and now it’s expanding to include our favourite days of being a family. The restaurant dinners & sleeping nights will be back one day, so for now we smile and accept that our lives are one pot meals and endless lists of things to do. It’s funny how you can love someone so much more for doing the boring rather than the exciting things with them!

  3. redlandcitygirl says:

    As one on the other side (our kids are nearly 19 & 16), this too shall pass!

  4. Such a great topic. Date nights are pivotal to our survival as a couple and a family! Prioritising sex is also important to keep everyone happy!

  5. Me says:

    Have to agree with redlandcitygirl having a nearly 21yo – this too shall pass but make sure you don’t lose each other along the way. We have worked really hard and staying best friends – there have been times when we didn’t talk much but we worked through it and 27 yrs later we are still best friends.
    Just last night we lay in bed from about 11.15-2.15 A reminiscing about his conscription and when he was little and me laughing so hard I had to go to the loo a few times so I didn’t wet the bed. The belly laughs that we both had were amazing. And, while we are both paying for only 3 hrs sleep last night, I wouldn’t swop those laughs for anything.
    So long as you talk to each other – everything will work out.
    Have the best day !
    Me
    #IBOT visitor

  6. iSophie says:

    We def don’t do really anything as a ‘couple’ anymore and haven’t for years. But we are rock solid and know that is what we are sacrificing at the moment in order to raise our 4 sons. It is hard work, we get tired, cranky, and plain over it all, but we just keep plodding on as a family. I love that, This too shall pass. I think about that alot during toddler tantrums.. ;)
    Love this post Kev. #teamIBOT

  7. Kelly HTandT says:

    Interesting concept… tag team blogging… I’m a little confused, but that’s not unusual.

  8. Rachel says:

    After 12 years and 3 kids i’m still trying to pin down the spark! Sometimes it’s gone for weeks, buried under washing and bills and kid-wrangling. Sometimes it hit’s me so hard how much I love him that it literally takes my breath away. My “Man in a Million” post last week was my attempt to capture the spark between Brook and I – so I can remind myself how strong it is during those times when it’s on a temporary leave of absence!

  9. It’s funny how things change isn’t it? The conversations have to change, the task of parenting demands that, and when one of you stays home, they need a chance to debrief at he end of the day.
    What’s been challenging for us, is with boatman not working so much, we see each other all the time, and sometimes there really isn’t much left to say.

  10. yep, yep, yep….I miss that spark. Those butterflies…..the pashing.
    They say the early child rearing years are the toughest a couple will endure.
    I’d also like to admit to being a rinser. My non-rinsing husband drives me nuts. :-)

  11. Wendy Parks says:

    I used to laugh at the books that recommended scheduling sex. I used to think how unromantic, unspontaneous and unnecessary that was. Now, I’m thinking that if we don’t make our time together a priority, and book it in our diaries it’s doesn’t happen. And we need to keep our marriage our priority.
    So glad I found your blog.
    IBOT

  12. Great post. I think this is such a great idea between you two. Well done. I get all tingly when I read these post. SO relevant to so many.

  13. Awesome post! Really interesting for someone who has never been married. I felt like a fly on the wall of your kitchen. Looking forward to the next part!

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