Kevin, attached is the 3rd annual performance review of your role as vice team leader of the illiterate infant household.
You have come along way in two-and-a-bit years. We note your ability to change a nappy (both kinds), pat an infant for three hours straight, defuse impending meltdowns with a highly targeted stare and anticipate the direction a scooter will zig or zag around cracks in the foot path (most of the time).
We also note that you have picked up newer skills in reading the mood of the room within seconds of returning home from work, appearing appropriately shocked (not laughing, absolutely not laughing) when you are told about your off-springs antisocial shopping center antics and how to give unique and hilarious (as observed) voices to the ever growing array of soft toys your child owns.
Score 8 out of 10
We note that your team has developed well with your youngest member able to explain her needs and WANTS with extreme clarity. There has been an obvious improvement in her ability to maintain a sleeping state past the 40 minute mark and we also note her excellent development from tottering to being able to both sprint and sidestep.
You have also been instrumental in initiating the new team member development project although it appears that the lead member of the team is completing the balance of the project’s work. At time of writing we are yet to understand what contribution you have made past the initial enthusiastic project kick off but expect your participation to be much greater in about 5.5 months.
Score 6 out of 10 (score upwardly adjusted from original peer score collected 7 weeks after project kickoff)
Personal Development and Growth
We are pleased with the way you have adapted to the new expectations that come with your role and you appear to have overcome your initial reluctance to set aside the small amount of dignity you thought had. We have been pleased with the way you now sing rather than mouth the words to the compulsory evening nursery rhymes and are happy to have observed you doing the “roly poly” down the hill with your youngest team member beside the farmer’s market in full view of other customers last week. We also note your willingness to spin your team member around in shopping trolleys, play hide and seek between fridges in large appliance stores and be a “horsey” walking up the street.
Score 8 out of 10
Not a bad effort this year Kevin. Although there have been a few concerning moments (eg: several dressing failures of the youngest team member, setting out on a full day outing with a water bottle and a fruit stick, the falling through the slide ladder) we can see that you are obviously trying your best and have the whole team’s best interests at heart.
You should continue to attempt to see the world through all your team member eyes and remember how lucky you are to have such an amazing team around you. It is obvious that you are thoroughly enjoying your role and we look forward to working with you more in the future.
LOL ROFL LMAO
Happy Fathers Day! – What would your performance review say? What performance review would you give?