On the 3rd Day of Christmas my Aussie Daddy Bloggers gave to me… a story of vaginas – post pregnancy. You asked, we answer… in the Christmas spirit, a motley crew of Aussie Daddy Bloggers are answering questions from our (mostly mum) readers. For our third question I’ll be tackling how I feel about my partners nether regions after the birth of our daughter.
When I got together with the fellas from Aussie Daddy Bloggers and heard about their idea of asking Mums for posting ideas I thought …great. I expected a simple topic like “how was it changing your first nappy” – black, the pooh was black!! or “what’s been your proudest moment as a Dad” – seeing miss 2.5 survive the death wobbles while riding one footed on her scooter or, the simple “What’s the best thing about being a Dad” – easy, cuddles… but no.
Instead I got a cracker from Kelly over at hand made tears and triumphs. Basically Kelly wanted to know what I thought about vaginas! And not just any vaginas, no Kelly wanted to know what I thought about vaginas that had been through child birth! My first thought was, there goes my opportunity to re-use anything I’ve already posted but on the plus side, it did give me the opportunity to hugely improve my blogs search rankings as I pepper this post with as many references to sex and vaginas as possible. Editors note – To Kelly’s credit, she’s a classy lass and didn’t actually say vagina (yip – there’s another reference).
So, did I view child birth’s affect on my wife’s nether regions in the same way that a someone would view their favourite pub burning down (cheers beers and bubs for that one) or did I see it more as a renovation? Did I have trouble getting my head around the fact that quite a round head came through an area that, in my experience, was far smaller than the circumference of a newborn’s skull or, did I look on in wonder at the female body’s amazing ability to cope with physical demands of child birth? Did childbirth increase my appreciation of the female form or induce a case of extreme eurotophobia (there’s a phobia for everything now).
Well for me child birth started at the head end, and finished with me scared shitless as my wife went into surgery resulting in a blue, wrinkly (illiterate) infant. In our case I didn’t manage to see a whole lot and to be honest I was more concerned with what I thought was a life and death situation (it never was, I was just an under-prepared, overly dramatic, about-to-be-new father). Feelings about my wife’s ‘sacred place’ (to borrow Kelly’s phrase) were secondary at that moment and remained so for the next three months as we tried to figure out how this crazy thing called a baby was supposed to work and when the hell, in all this baby raising you were supposed to sleep.
So what do I think about the area I once spent a whole pay packet trying to seduce post birth? Well I should start by saying that child birth is obviously designed by a guy because there is no way he would inflict those sorts of bodily changes on himself. If the fact that a normal female has to go through 9 months of nausea, emotional unpredictability, pain, discomfort, a thimble size bladder and no deli goods and alcohol doesn’t prove it then the phrase “well done, you’ve dilated 10 centimeters” must. This design-by-guy nature is also proven by the way (at least in the illiterate household) that even though the parts involved are put through the equivalent of a 10 car pile up, they seem to have the ability to panel beat themselves back to near new condition (I’m particularly proud of that euphemism).
So to answer your question Kelly – I’m pretty cool with the post labor condition of the aforementioned area. Yes it has a lot to do with me not actually seeing it do what it had to do but I also think, based on it’s post labor functioning and appearance (I see a pretty awkward father-in-law conversation coming) that, from my perspective I’m still willing to spend pay packets trying to get near it.
Thanks for checking in with Day 3 of the the inaugural Aussie Daddy Bloggers Advent Calendar post. If you haven’t already, check out the Aussie Daddy Bloggers facebook page, like it, share it and let us know what you think.