Mums on Dads Guest Post – Dads and Pregnancy

Some of you may know of today’s guest poster as a the prolific commenter, others may know of her as the person who celebrated the milestone of her 1000th post with yet another, bigger milestone. Others may know her as a reader that loves a rant, or a parent that manages to perfectly capture the experiences we all go through (complete with all the correct swear words).

For those few that don’t know of her yet, I’m talking about Kylie from a study in contradictions; a clever blogger, with an apparently misunderstood husband, a beautiful little girl and another on the way who’s posting today about the very real issue of us Dads suffering in silence during pregnancy (Kev’s words – not Kylie’s).

Kylie Purtell

The clever blogger with her misunderstood husband

If you haven’t already, check out her blog. She’s also on Facebook and Twitter.  

Dads & Pregnancy

According to Wikipedia (oh yes, that fountain of realiable knowledge!) Couvade Sydnrome is defined as:

Couvade syndrome: also called sympathetic pregnancy, is a proposed condition in which a partner experiences some of the same symptoms and behavior of an expectant mother…

Couvade syndrome is not a recognised medical condition. Its source is a matter of debate. Some believe it to be a psychosomatic condition, while others believe it may have biological causes relating to hormone changes.

Personally, before I was first pregnant back in 2011, I was totally skeptical of the whole thing. And then, I fell pregnant, and the complaints started.

Dave developed pimples. Just like I developed pimples. Dave started needing to pee frequently through the night. Just like I was needing to pee frequently through the night. He complained of not sleeping well and an aching body. I certainly was not sleeping well and couldn’t remember the last time something on my body hadn’t ached.

Now that I’m pregnant for a second time it’s all happening again. The pimples, the frequent urination, the broken sleep. And that’s just Dave!

I’m pretty sure now that Couvade Syndrome doesn’t exist. If anything, I think its actually called Penance for Not Being the One to Have to Give Birth syndrome. When you think about it, the peeing and the broken sleep can all be traced back to one source. Me. It makes sense that if the person you share a bed with is tossing and turning all night because her hips are aching, her legs are cramping and she constantly needs to get up and bloody pee, then face it buddy, your sleep ain’t going to be the best either.

I only have one solution for it though. My best recommendation, with the greatest possible respect, is to take a teaspoon of the finest concrete and harden the eff up!

Yep, the partners of pregnant ladies don’t have the easiest time of it, what with all the hormones flying around, the mood swings, the swelling and the peeing. If you live in a house with only one toilet then you better be prepared to take a call of nature, in nature, otherwise you’re just gonna have to wet your pants waiting.

And while we have sympathy for the fact that you have to suffer through this pregnancy too, please remember that you’re suffering is for a good cause, and when your time comes to push a bowling ball out your pee-hole, then you will get the same level of sympathy we reserve the right to demand.

So a few words of advice to the partner’s of pregnant ladies, if you would like to get through the pregnancy as smoothly as possible and with all your bits intact…

  • Don’t complain to me about how bad your sleep was last night.
  • Don’t stand in front of the mirror, popping pimples and complaining how terrible your skin is.
  • Don’t sigh and say “Again?” when you go to the loo and find it occupied by the ‘glowing’ Mum-to-be.
  • Don’t come home and tell me how sore your body is from your self-induced workout at the gym every day.
  • And for the love of baby cheeses, do not chase me around trying to tickle my swollen belly and justify it by telling me its your way of “Toughening up the baby”.
  • Do, however, buy me chocolate whenever I ask for it and don’t question or mention the fact that it’s the third magnum I’ve eaten that week.
  • Do offer to bend down and pick up the toddlers toys that are lying all over the loungeroom floor like a trip hazard waiting to happen. In fact don’t offer at all, just do it.
  • And do remember to tell me how beautiful you think my swollen belly is when you see me lumbering out of the shower.

Because, if you do those last few things, I’ll forgive the occasional complaint made by the one who doesn’t have a belly full of arms and legs and you may find that the doctor’s recommendation to abstain from sex for 12 weeks after the birth miraculously reduces to 8 (if you’re good enough to get up and do some of the night shift for me that is!)

Do you agree with Kylie? Have you had an experience with Couvade syndrome. Has concrete been prescribed in your household? Let me know what you think.

…and if you feel like you have something to add to the Illiterate Infant’s Mum’s on Dad’s guest posting series, let me know on the Facebook page or twitter.

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13 Responses to Mums on Dads Guest Post – Dads and Pregnancy

  1. Kelly HTandT says:

    You know I’ve always been a “here’s your cup of concrete” kind of girl so there’s no way in hell M would ever try and score a sympathy vote from me whilst pregnant! Pretty sure he did the pull the ‘sympathetic weight gain’ card though and I thought that was a major cop-out. Dude, if you’re gonna get tubby then OWN IT! Don’t blame it on your pregnant wife!

  2. Kylie I love this! I have handed my partner a few cups of concrete over the last 9 months.
    The complaints of a small headache, while I was finishing week 3 of consistent migraines.
    The complaints of waking up at 5 cos he was worried about work, when I have been awake since 3am and not asleep until 1am.
    The complaints of heart burn… when, well you know.
    It goes on… everytime I just say “dont even talk to me”.

  3. miss.cinders says:

    Hahaha Kylie I am soo agreeing with you!

    OgreDad used to get leg cramps and the whole world was going to hell because of it. If only he could have carried the 9lb baby I was carrying with them leg cramps!

    You did forget a couple of things though, like nose bleeds. It’s terrible when *they* get them while we’re pregnant, they can spring out of bed and dash for the tissues. We on the other hand have to roll like an elephant and hope to god our bladders don’t give way while we heave ourselves off the bed to waddle to get tissues… while our nose paints our only shirt that fits with it’s magnificent bright red ‘paint’!

    Ahh the memories. You have my deepest sympathies! Hope Dave drinks his concrete for you no worries!

    MC x

  4. babblingbandit says:

    I went through my pregnancy without a man and I must say I felt quite happy that I had a whole queen sized bed to myself and no dad trying to leverage off my condition to get some sympathy back.

    You’re a hilarious writer Kylez. Love your work.

    • Dave has just started a new 12-hour roster rotation which includes two of the four shift as night-shift and I have to admit, last night, his first night-shift since I fell pregnant, I got the best sleep I’ve had in months! A lot of people don’t like their partners doing night shift but I love it, I’d never get decent sleep otherwise!

      Thanks V!

  5. Emily says:

    So tempting to join the ‘harden the f*** up’ chorus, but hubby is working around the clock trying to finish our house renos before bub comes and his back really does hurt as much as mine!

    But asking me to donate my pregnancy massage voucher to him was going a little too far…

    • You know I think that is definitely a good excuse to be complaining, if Dave was renovating our house I’d be giving him an excuse leave pass for sure! But I do agree, screw giving up the voucher for that massage. Yeah, he’s building a house, but you’ve been building a brain, an entire human!

  6. Rita Azar says:

    Haha! I just can think of my brother who developed a belly at the same time than my sister-in-law was pregnant!

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