Some call this boring… others see it as one of best times of the day
For the aspiring father-to-be the birth of your child represents the culmination of months of effort. Assuming that conception is relatively simple (and spectacular – obviously) you’ve spent the last nine or so months preparing bedrooms, choosing prams, picking names and generally altering the direction and possessions of your life for the new family entrant. It’s exciting knowing that a little person is coming into your family, someone who you can play with, run around with, teach to high-five, kick a football and scare the boyfriends of.
The excitement (I’m sure that’s what my wife was – excited) peaks at the point of birth, where in that one moment, something blue appears, that turns pink, maybe cries a bit and then lies on its mother, soothed by the combination of pheromones and colostrum. You’ll stare in wonder at the amazing thing your wife has just done, maybe cry (a bit) and after a few hours later you’ll be home, shattered, excited… happy.
It’s when you get the baby home that the reality of it all hits home. Sure they cry a bit (sometimes a LOT), they’re unaware of your need for at least 6 quality hours of sleep a night (and a sleep in on weekends) and they’re a bit of a passion killer but that’s not what I’m talking about. No, I’m talking about the endless, repetitive, continuous, never-ending boooooooooredom.
Feed, change, feed, change, sleep, wake, tap-tap-tap, sleep, repeat. Over and over and over again. That’s a newborns life. For weeks!!! WEEKS!!!
Second time around I’m a bit more prepared. I know that it’s normal. It’s the really tough bit where you put in a lot and get very little back. I’m also much more aware of the other person who can’t escape to work or take the Miss 2.5 out for an adventure so she (we) can blow of some steam. That person is destined to spend a few more weeks, stuck to the couch whilst Miss ver 2.0 literally sucks the life out of her. The first time however, I was a little bit, well, disappointed.
I fully expected to bring my first little girl home and sit on the couch with her, tickling, playing and cooing, a proper nappy advertisement. Instead I learned that no sooner had she woken up and had a feed, that she was off to bed again. For a Dad that can barely sit still at the best of times, this was a pretty tough to get used to. In fact, hard to believe as it may be, I actually became a bit cranky and hard to get along with about it.
Thinking back, I was probably a bit put out by my demotion down the attention pecking order. I was also comparing our new-born to other people’s three, six or even nine month old babies; something I now know was a bit dumb but at the time, I had nothing else to compare to. The problem was, by getting frustrated I was probably not as supportive of my wife’s situation (new baby, no idea) as I could have been which made a steep learning curve all the more difficult.
So, if you’re a new dad-to-be, chill out. Trust me, before you know it your bundle of nerves, farts, impulses and bodily fluids will be running away from you in the supermarket, tearing boxes of shelves and squeezing fruit till it pops. In the mean time try to enjoy the little moments where it looks at you and smiles.
For new mums, mums with new ones or mums to be – your partner may occasionally act like a bit of a dick but don’t take it too personally. He’s probably trying to figure out where he fits and why the little thing can’t catch yet.
So, how was your first? How was your partner and your first? Any tips for Dad’s to be in those first few weeks?
It’s Tuesday which means I’ll be sharing with Jess over at essentiallyjess.com.
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Related articles
- You and Your Newborn Baby – Ways for Dad to Bond (everydayfamily.com)
- Preparing for Fatherhood – Becoming A Dad For The First Time (everydayfamily.com)
the illiterate infant 
My husband loves fishing & he had a little tackle box ready for our son when I was 6 months pregnant. It was a bit of a shock for him when we he realised it was going to be a while before he could use it!
No one tells you it takes about 18months for them to really be able to interact with you the way they were “supposed to” in your head
Hang in there til the 3 month mark – that’s when a tide turned for us. It’ll go quicker this time cos you have Miss 2.5 to distract you.
On the plus side taking out a newborn to dinner, on a plane, to a party….is way easier than an 18 month old! Every stage has its good and bad!
I agree – If you can time it between feeds you can do everything easier than an 18 month old!
Yep, I think Dave was a little shocked by how boring a newborn can be. But I must say he his it pretty well. Thankfully the cricket season had just started when Mia was born so he was content to lie on the lounge with Mia sleeping on his chest for stretches at a time. Until she made him too hot that is! This time he said he’s looking forward to doing the same thing but watching the footy, and looking forward to the fact that it will be winter and this bubs can keep him warm!
I think you’ve touched on one of the most important aspects – wether or not there’s decent sport available!
First things first…. ZOMG she is so cute! She looks so peaceful – although I’m sure you’ve just captured her at her best.
Secondly yes, I totally agree with the boredom thing – that first 6-8 weeks they are really just “creatures” rather than humans beings! I remember looking down at Jack (my oldest) passed out full of milk in his bassinet and thinking “I thought you’d be more fun than this”.
“I thought you’d be more fun than this”… perfect description
Lol omg I remember having that same thought seven years ago 🙂
Cheers Kush – do you mind if I ask how you found out about my little web site?
I was crestfallen when I realised that Max was not born with the inate ability to execute a perfect Cruyff turn, knock the head off a stubby or appreciate Dad humour. Nice post Kev, hope your at least pretending to enjoy the boring bits
Ok so I had to goole Cruyff turn – and it all makes sense. This time around I am enjoying it more, I think I’ve just altered my expectations a bit
hehe I remember my first time.. and the second time .. being the second one is about to turn 2 and not slept more than 3 hours before waking up every night since he was born… I am not sure I am ready to start trying for a 3rd.. but I know if we do.. we have everything downpacked!! Learnt alot with #1.. learnt even more with #2… 🙂
“not slept more than 3 hours before waking up every night since he was born” – there’s a UN convention on that isn’t there?
Having done the newborn thing 4 times, I have to say the “boring” bit gets better and better… especially when you compare it to the whinging/ grumpy/ defiant bit that lies ahead (particularly, sorry to say, with girls!)
lol
Thanks for popping by Jess – Do you mind me asking how you found out about my little corner of the inter-webs?
Sounds mental but at the moment I long for those days, when No.3 was about 6 months and couldn’t open the fridge, pantry, cutlery drawer and climb on tables, toy kitchens and couches! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming! Em
Yay, a Dad blog! Hi! We have 5 and my husband LOVES the boring bit. It’s the perfect excuse to lie on the couch with a sleeping baby on your chest and catch up on hours and hours of TV. “Hey honey can you…” “Nope just got the baby to sleep.” Punk.
Oh I hear ya! You just wish you could look at their little eyes for a bit longer, and then they shut them again.
Which, when it’s baby number four, is a good thing!!!!
It was a long time ago. All I remember is I got nothing done. Absolutely nothing. As an action, action, action girl it was truly tormenting. But the cuddles and baby smells were worth it. Yep, even those smells. Perfume for this mumma …
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Oh dear, it’s only just a little over 3 years ago but those early days have become a haze. I do remember my husband putting on a helluva lotta weight. But he was right there by me through the thick of it. Even when I was screaming out in pain with nipple thrush. Too much info?
Enjoy these days, Kev. I saw a friend’s newborn baby (her 3rd) today and all that sweetness and innocence is just as delicious the first time around, I reckon.
Wish I could say something helpful but I went back to work when K was 4 weeks old so I really have no idea at all about what you are going through – sorry !!!!
Have a great day anyway !
Me
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My partner was a bit of a dick with our first. Much better with our second.
It’s a hell of a shock, whoever you are, when you get that little creature home….and you forget between babes what you’re in for.
You sound right on track, and the only way is through. x
hehehe – having had my third not so long ago, I think my other two kids thought she was a total let down. They were beside themselves with excitement when we brought her home until they realised that she she pretty much did….nothing!! A very boring baby!!
Those first few weeks that people talk about being in a haze was the best for me. That was when he was transportable, came wherever I wanted to go, slept most of the time and I got many a cup of tea made for me – that I was able to drink while it was hot. 3 years later, I crave that hot cup of tea 🙂 enjoy those precious first few weeks!
Hello from #teamIBOT
My number four is now two and I really miss miss the newborn days. I loved the first three months of bonding and feeling rather clever. My baby time is over so enjoy this very short period.
Haha, this was my husband too! I love how you’ve captured those expectations and disappointments, but it’s all in seasons, homework can be pretty mind-numbing too 🙂
I remember my son just… laying there. Sleeping. I’d waited 7 months to meet him and then nothing. I poked him awake a few times just so he would DO something!
I’m guilty of prodding our newest every now and again just to see something happen
Nice post! I had forgotten about this period(where’s the time once they get mobile!) The long hours newborns slept came as a complete surprise to me (I have even put a finger under their nostrils to check if they were okay)!