Some of you may know of today’s guest poster as a the prolific commenter, others may know of her as the person who celebrated the milestone of her 1000th post with yet another, bigger milestone. Others may know her as a reader that loves a rant, or a parent that manages to perfectly capture the experiences we all go through (complete with all the correct swear words).

For those few that don’t know of her yet, I’m talking about Kylie from a study in contradictions; a clever blogger, with an apparently misunderstood husband, a beautiful little girl and another on the way who’s posting today about the very real issue of us Dads suffering in silence during pregnancy (Kev’s words – not Kylie’s).

The clever blogger with her misunderstood husband

If you haven’t already, check out her blog. She’s also on Facebook and Twitter.  

Dads & Pregnancy

According to Wikipedia (oh yes, that fountain of realiable knowledge!) Couvade Sydnrome is defined as:

Couvade syndrome: also called sympathetic pregnancy, is a proposed condition in which a partner experiences some of the same symptoms and behavior of an expectant mother…

Couvade syndrome is not a recognised medical condition. Its source is a matter of debate. Some believe it to be a psychosomatic condition, while others believe it may have biological causes relating to hormone changes.

Personally, before I was first pregnant back in 2011, I was totally skeptical of the whole thing. And then, I fell pregnant, and the complaints started.

Dave developed pimples. Just like I developed pimples. Dave started needing to pee frequently through the night. Just like I was needing to pee frequently through the night. He complained of not sleeping well and an aching body. I certainly was not sleeping well and couldn’t remember the last time something on my body hadn’t ached.

Now that I’m pregnant for a second time it’s all happening again. The pimples, the frequent urination, the broken sleep. And that’s just Dave!

I’m pretty sure now that Couvade Syndrome doesn’t exist. If anything, I think its actually called Penance for Not Being the One to Have to Give Birth syndrome. When you think about it, the peeing and the broken sleep can all be traced back to one source. Me. It makes sense that if the person you share a bed with is tossing and turning all night because her hips are aching, her legs are cramping and she constantly needs to get up and bloody pee, then face it buddy, your sleep ain’t going to be the best either.

I only have one solution for it though. My best recommendation, with the greatest possible respect, is to take a teaspoon of the finest concrete and harden the eff up!

Yep, the partners of pregnant ladies don’t have the easiest time of it, what with all the hormones flying around, the mood swings, the swelling and the peeing. If you live in a house with only one toilet then you better be prepared to take a call of nature, in nature, otherwise you’re just gonna have to wet your pants waiting.

And while we have sympathy for the fact that you have to suffer through this pregnancy too, please remember that you’re suffering is for a good cause, and when your time comes to push a bowling ball out your pee-hole, then you will get the same level of sympathy we reserve the right to demand.

So a few words of advice to the partner’s of pregnant ladies, if you would like to get through the pregnancy as smoothly as possible and with all your bits intact…

• Don’t complain to me about how bad your sleep was last night.
• Don’t stand in front of the mirror, popping pimples and complaining how terrible your skin is.
• Don’t sigh and say “Again?” when you go to the loo and find it occupied by the ‘glowing’ Mum-to-be.
• Don’t come home and tell me how sore your body is from your self-induced workout at the gym every day.
• And for the love of baby cheeses, do not chase me around trying to tickle my swollen belly and justify it by telling me its your way of “Toughening up the baby”.
• Do, however, buy me chocolate whenever I ask for it and don’t question or mention the fact that it’s the third magnum I’ve eaten that week.
• Do offer to bend down and pick up the toddlers toys that are lying all over the loungeroom floor like a trip hazard waiting to happen. In fact don’t offer at all, just do it.
• And do remember to tell me how beautiful you think my swollen belly is when you see me lumbering out of the shower.

Because, if you do those last few things, I’ll forgive the occasional complaint made by the one who doesn’t have a belly full of arms and legs and you may find that the doctor’s recommendation to abstain from sex for 12 weeks after the birth miraculously reduces to 8 (if you’re good enough to get up and do some of the night shift for me that is!)

Do you agree with Kylie? Have you had an experience with Couvade syndrome. Has concrete been prescribed in your household? Let me know what you think.

…and if you feel like you have something to add to the Illiterate Infant’s Mum’s on Dad’s guest posting series, let me know on the Facebook page or twitter.