I suspect the hope that Mrs II has that the latest twinge is a signal of labour starting has nothing to do with wanting to gently stroke her new borns forehead, to hold the wrapped infant as it nuzzles her breast or to look fondly into her husbands eyes and whisper “we did it” (ok – I added that one in and yes Catherine – I know we didn’t do anything). No, I think Mrs II is motivated by a far more primal, earthly urge.
She’s just plain F%$K*#G over it!
Over the “bigness”. Not being able to bend, move quickly, get into or out of a car, having to roll out of bed and be helped out of chairs. She’s over the restrictions on food. We’ve already agreed that while everyone else brings flowers to the maternity ward, I’ll be bringing a plate with seven types of cured meat, pate, Brie and a few prawns. And she’s over the heat. As I’ve been tucking myself up these last few nights (it’s been a bit colder than it should have in Sydney lately) Mrs II is there, fan above her on full, not even a sheet, sweating as her internal thermostat seems to be set higher each day – seriously it must be a sauna in that womb right now!
Stupidly we’re both over the broken sleep that comes form Mrs II having a bladder the size of a thimble. Stupid because at least the current broken sleep can be solved by an ungainly waddle to the bathroom rather than a feed/cuddle/settle of a newborn. Intellectually we both know what’s coming but until it’s in the room with us…
Many of you will know the feeling. Every twitch, twinge or cramp is comes with a look. Is it the sign? Is it go time? Should I start packing the bag? The difference second time around is that it’s not nerves, it’s not excitement, it’s not an emotional need to witness the wonder that is childbirth (written by a dad, not a mum that goes through the wonder). No it’s a hurry the F%^K UP!
Anyway – on to the exciting bit. Yip I’m having my first competition. That’s right – I want you, my loyal two readers to give me your best guess at Mr/Miss 0.99’s birth weight and height. The winner, rather than a soulless physical prize* will instead have bestowed upon them the title of “Best-Baby-Guesser” (I know – imaginative hey). Yip – you will be known across the blogosphere as a sure thing when it comes to predicted the dimensions of new borns.
It’s pretty simple. Let me know the height (in cm’s) and weight (in kg’s) and I’ll announce the best guesser once Mr/Miss 0.99 arrives. I’d also love to know the reasoning behind your guess. Tea leaves, tarot cards, the stars or just a random guess – I’d love to know how you came up with the number. To keep things fair I thought I would let you know everything I know before you make up your mind;
- Miss 2.5 (will need a new name soon) was 3.84 kg and 51 cm long when she was born
- Mrs II has had a standard pregnancy that will is going full term
- I was about the same in weight and length
- Mrs II has had a family history of whoppers
- She’s carrying in “the front” which probably means more to you than it does to me
- In 2004 the average birthweight for babies born in Australia was 3.37 kg
- My guess? 3.81kg and 50 cm long
So – send me your best guess/informed analysis. Hopefully this time next week my post will be something along the lines of “where’s the instructions for this crazy thing”
*The Illiterate Infant is currently run an a budget of about $1.50 however I’d be happy to give away a second coffee machine if a kindly brand person flicks me a couple to review
Sharing with jess as essentiallyjess.com who happens to be having a birthday on March 8 – write it down people!
Like what your reading? Can’t risk missing another post? Why not keep up on all thing Illiterate via the facebook page, google plus or twitter?
the illiterate infant 
The end bit is a slog. And I reckon pregnancy tiredness is worse than newborn tiredness – for mums anyway – because when bub is here the adrenaline/hormones will help. Hopefully it wont be long now.
My guess is 3.84kg 51CM because my two came out exactly the same.
Good luck with the coffee machine 🙂
Cheers Catherine – From what little I remember – all tiredness feels the same to me (not that it is actually about me) 😉
Oh, I remember how hard it is at the end. My first came 8 days later than expected, and the toughest part for me was receiving phone calls and e-mails 100 times a daily, saying: “Have you given birth yet???” – “No, g*ddammit, I haven’t, stop reminding me of my misery!!!”
Anyway, my toughts go out for your Mrs. It cannot be long now, as no baby has ever stayed inside, they all come out at some point, sooner or later…
My guess is 3.97 kg and 53 cm, because in my experience seconds tend to be bigger than firsts.
Good luck!
3664g, 50cm, 35cm head circumference, born on due date – cos that’s what Bee was, and I can’t be bothered to think up my own guess. 🙂
Most scientific – I like it!
3.95 kilograms and 52 cm- same logic as Poppy. You keep that second coffee machine for yourself- you might need a couple around the house once the baby comes. I’m having my first giveaway on my blog too…. $1 million – for anyone who ‘likes’ comments on Facebook (* only open to those participating in Facebook free February). Good luck 🙂
4.03kg and 53 cm a week after your due date. Sorry Mrs II, but since mine were all late and just got bigger the more I had, why should it be the same for you?
Sending some beautiful fairy wishes and butterfly kisses for when the birthing time is right
Ok, I am going 4.09 kg and 53 cm, my son was bigger and he was the second born…. Good luck Kev, nothing like the smell of a newborn bubba…..oh….I am all clucky again!!!!!! 🙂
Miss 2.5’s vital stats plus 5%, so 4.03kg and 53.5cm!
5% noted – will pass your thoughts onto Mrs II 😉
Hope things happen soon, and quickly, for Mrs Il. I was 9 months pregnant in the middle of winter and needed the doors and windows all wide open, and the fan on, and The Mechanic, poor bugga, was in sweats with the blankets pulled up to his ears! Cant’ imagine being heavily pregnant in such heat. -Aroha #teamIBOT
I’m going for 3.5kg and 50cm as I am hoping not too big for a quick and easy delivery – hahahaha… ouch, ouch. Oh dear, babies are absolutely gorgeous but…. four was enough for me! The thought of it all again is a horror, luckily am too old to ever again have a newborn. best wishes for next few days. here’s to breathing easy again at last when the baby comes.
Hmmm… I’m going to roll with 4.01kg and 53cm. Completely random guess, no voodoo magic going on here.
Oh geez, it really drags at the end eh? Distract yourself with competitions while you still have enough brain cells left to do so! I’m gonna say 3.35kg and 53cm – my middle daughter’s birth stats, so a safe middle-ish kind of guess.
I’m gonna say she’ll be overdue (sorry) – because that’s what happens when you’re totally over it (I had to be induced at 10 days over with my 2nd) – 4.10kg – 51cm. I hope I’m wrong – hang in there Mrs illiterate – but I gotta tell you it’s WAY easier when you’re pregnant with one than two little ones – but you don’t believe me til you’re in it – All the best and hanging to hear news 🙂
3.9kg and 51cm. Please don’t ask me why!
tea leaves?
I was trying to work out why you were referring to your wife as Miss 11 and was slightly concerned, when it finally twigged. Duh!
I’m guessing 4.078 and 53cms, cause if it’s out the front it’s obviously a boy.
No not really, I’m just guesssing 😉
My guess is 51 cms and 4.144kgs
It was the way my nespresso swirled the milk/coffee.
Good luck to Mr II. Those last few weeks of #2 are pretty challenging. I think it’s a lot harder – the waiting period, I mean. I am sure she will do a smashing job. No idea about birth weight and height. I am sure Mr Heart Daddy would have a crack. He loves numbers. Hope you get your coffee machine 🙂
Ooh! This is fun. Not much fun for Mrs II though…
My guess is 3.2kg and about 51cms.
I thought I was having a biggie with no 2 but she wasn’t as huge as anticipated.
Good Luck!
Pingback: Caught my eye Friday – Poo stories and piss takes | the illiterate infant
3.7kg and 49cm. Good luck and looking forward to hearing the good news.
Cheers Mate!
3.7kgs and 53cm long
Good luck!!!
3.45 kgs and 50cm
cheers Jeniffer
Pingback: Things you forget… | the illiterate infant