21 things to remember before having another baby

…and why you’ll do it anyway.

having more kidsToday the Illiterate household is tired. A deep, aching tired. It’s an ache that comes from weeks of layering fatigue on top of tiredness on top of sleeplessness on top of exhaustion. We are not unique. All parents go through this at some point, many are going through it now and for those about to say to themselves “it’s funny, I’ve never experienced it” you are either delusional, truly blessed or about to get a really, really big surprise. Continue reading

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Posted in Being a Dad | Tagged , , , , | 37 Comments

Air Guitar and other life skills I will be teaching my daughters

AirGuitarMy proudest moment last week was when my just-turned-three-year-old asked me to turn up the radio when the White Stripes Seven Nation Army came on. She knows it’s the song that requires her to stamp her feet in the back of the car to the sound of the bass drum with her imaginary drum sticks ready for the flurry of snare, tom and cymbals that comes about 45 seconds in. Come the drum solo my back seat is a frenzy of arms as she belts out the beat, head thrashing from up and down before the song goes back to a driving base beat.

As a parent there’s a lot you need to teach your children. Obviously there are the big-ticket items like walking, toilet training, stranger danger and making their own breakfast (not there yet but you need to have goals) but what about the other things that make life a little easier and/or more interesting. After telling my wife with teary pride about how her little girl now knows how to mosh in the back seat (not to mention the side benefit of our ABC for kids CD finally getting taken out of the car’s CD player) I got to thinking what other “life-skills” I would need to ensure are passed on; Continue reading

Posted in Being a Dad, DadBloggers, Raising Girls | 15 Comments

The Mystical World of Dadabulous

blog-image4So I was a bit nervous asking my good friend Mumabulous to guest post as part of my Mums on Dads series. I didn’t know wether to paint on my own abs to compete with the flood of crumpet normally displayed on her own hilarious blog or simply not wash for a few days to look a little more Bear Grylls (one of her favourites). My compromise was to do some work in the roof to get the “wilderness” look and then walk around sucking my breath in for the rest of the weekend.

Come Sunday night and after some solid pressure from the wife I have relented and showered. I’ve also eaten party pies for dinner and can’t be arsed sucking my stomach in anymore. If like me, you’re also sitting comfortably, recovering from your weekend then please enjoy Mumabulous’s response to my blogging challenge of telling us a bit about the other part of the ‘abulous’ team.

If she’s new to you, check her blog out here. She is also on twitter here and Facebook here

And without further delay – please welcome Mumabulous

The Mystical World of Dadabulous

On the Mumabulous I  have written the odd tongue in cheek piece bemoaning the fact that my husband aka Dadabulous, does not understand a) the female mind in general and b) by extension my mind.  For instance he constantly poo-poos my anxiety about the “deadly” white tail spider merely because the white tail spider has never actually caused a human death. He is also nonplussed by the Chez Abulous’ problematic shortage of toilet brushes. We have five toilets and only three brushes between them. This is the source of much consternation for me but Dadabs (quite condescendingly) tells me not to “worry my pretty head about it”. Here on the Illiterate Infant blog I am about to make an earth shattering admission. The chasm of non-comprehension between the sexes runs both ways.  Dadabulous’ mental landscape is baffling terrain indeed. Continue reading

Posted in Guest Posts, Mums on Dads | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Well done – we made it to three years!

third birthdayThere was a moment, about two and a half years ago when I seriously thought we weren’t going to make it. Life was crazy. To you, sleep was the enemy, as was food (or at least keeping it down), resting, car trips, prams, shopping, planes, cafes and any movement more than 1o meters from our house. Basically, anything that we thought would be easy BC (before children) was a complete and total disaster.

It wasn’t your fault. Brought up on a diet of Family Ties, Full House and Growing Pains your parents truly believed that there was nothing that couldn’t be fixed in 30 minutes. Parenting books with easy to follow schedules and friends who outwardly appeared to be handling their own new-borns with ease checked us into the penthouse suite at the Delusional Hotel, where babies sleep straight through at 6 weeks and Mums and Dads read papers in Cafes over coffee on Sundays. Continue reading

Posted in DadBloggers, Raising Girls | Tagged , , , , , | 22 Comments

Sex to Sleep – Top 5 ways to avoid getting sick from your kids

sickDaycareEbola, black plague, smallpox… some of the worst diseases known to man have been joined by a new, insidious ailment. One that renders its victims useless within hours of infection. A condition that is seemingly incurable, returning again and again, carried by a seemingly innocent host.

It starts with a cuddle. Your toddler approaches you, a glistening stream running from their nostrils. Tired, grumpy, easily upset you pick them up and offer them warmth and protection but as cuddle you them lovingly they’re wiping their nose on their sleeve and your cheek.

Their craving for closeness is your undoing as you wake the next morning with that familiar catch in the back of your throat and that clogged feeling at the top of your nasal cavity. You look in the mirror to see your glazed, red eyes and you know instantly that you’ve caught it… again. KISS or Kids-induced-sickness-syndrome. Continue reading

Posted in Being a Dad, fatherhood | Tagged , , , , , | 21 Comments

My advice to new Dads: Sing.

DisneyLast night my first Illiterate Infant and I started a new book. There I was, snuggled under the butterfly quilt reading about the structural implications of a poor choice in housing materials, seamlessly  switching between my impression of a big bad wolf and a squealing rendition of “who’s afraid of the big bad wolf”.

For many people, this may not seem a like a big deal but I need to point out that I’ve come a long way. I can still remember the deep discomfort I felt when my wife told me we had to sing our little girl to sleep. I remember trying to lip sync along to twinkle twinkle until I received a stern dose of WTF, followed up with a glare that said “just sing!”. There I was in a darkened room cuddling our then 6 month old mumbling my way through the nightly mega-mix of Twinkle Twinkle, Baa Baa then Rock-a-bye baby to finish. Continue reading

Posted in Being a Dad, Raising Girls | Tagged , , | 16 Comments

Theory of Parental Panic

I’m a bit of a nerd. Hold on, before you say anything…I know I may give the impression of a rugged, suave, confident man-about-town daddy blogger but by day I am far more ordinary,  doing stuff with computers and numbers and graphs and Powerpoint.

the nerd curve

The “Nerd” Curve

As my “nerdness curve” graph shows, I’ve had less nerdy moments since I started working in marketing but the problem is my colleagues, who tend to be painfully hipster-esque. Their “on trend attire and attitude only highlights and magnify my nerdness resulting with me being more nerd-like than before. Continue reading

Posted in Raising Girls | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

…Bloody Kids

Making me wake up every hour to settle you when just the other day you had me convinced that you were sleeping through… bloody kids

Running off from me in the supermarket and making me do the dad-trying-to-be-casual-but-really-sprinting thing to catch up with you and then, when I catch you and am about to tell you off, you cackle with joy… bloody kids

Teddy bear wearing socks

The $10 Teddy

Having at least 300 different stuffed toys but still insisting on bringing the dodgy $10 bear your auntie bought you from a service station the day you were born every-bloody-where… bloody kids

Screaming in bed like someones cut your leg off, causing me to rush in to your aid only to have you looking up at me and giggling… bloody kids

Insisting (to the point of complete emotional breakdown) that you don’t need to wee then, once I’ve finally got you buckled into the car seat and driven off… “Daddy, I need to do a weeee!”…  bloody kids Continue reading

Posted in Being a Dad | Tagged , , , , | 40 Comments

Sleeping like a husband… and other perks of the working Dad

Sleeping like husband!

Hellooooooooooo sleep!

Yes, my dear friends sleepy and bobo are back in the house and I am welcoming them with open arms. The fog is clearing as I swap 40 minute cat naps for solid bouts of sleep. Deep, peaceful sleep!

People are commenting on my returned ability to string sentences together, the black bags under my eyes that have turned a more smokey-grey and noted the reduction in coffee consumption. I’m bright-eyed, motivated and feeling something very mojo-like returning. I’m walking around doing air pistols, high-fiving the boss and even went out for drinks with work colleagues (I was hilarious). The other day I did exercise and I might just do some more tomorrow. Life has, in large, returned to normal.

I’ve just got to remember not to show off about it. Continue reading

Posted in Being a Dad | Tagged , , | 33 Comments

Growing up your blog – finding the right help

self hosting on WordPress.org This week I’m talking about the next step of the WordPress self hosting journey; when you decide to actually do it. There’s also a great deal at the end of this post for anyone that’s considering going self hosted.

If you’re still not sure if self hosting is for you check out last weeks post on the reasons why people are doing it here . In summary, I’m ready to run my own show and try to take blogging to the next step which, judging by last weeks comments, is the same for a lot of you. Continue reading

Posted in Blogging, Blogging Tips | Tagged , , , , , , | 17 Comments